Two Questions I’m Too Afraid to Ask God

Fear is polysemic.

Quick English lesson: when a word is polysemic, it means it has multiple meanings depending on the context. Like the word bank: it can mean a place that holds money, or the side of a river.

The word fear works the same way. It can be:

“An unpleasant, often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger.”
“Profound reverence and awe.”

When it comes to God, it’s easy to confuse the two. In a recent I Am Second interview, artist Terrian shared something that hit me hard:

“I was so fascinated with God because I saw Him move. But I was also very afraid of Him in a way I think that wasn’t very healthy. Everyone felt so free, but I didn’t feel free. I just wondered: could this God actually love me?”

Hearing someone else share this confusion, I no long felt alone.

This isn’t something only kids deal with, thinking God is to be feared like a monster under the bed. This is a feeling that many people bring into their adult life without realizing it. It hides in our shame, our insecurity, our overthinking. It whispers: Are you sure God loves you? Are you sure He isn’t disappointed in you?

I grew up in church. I heard the gospel my whole life. My parents served in ministry, and we were there every time the doors were open.

But I was so afraid.

Not visibly. Not dramatically. But underneath my smiles, I carried a quiet fear that my sin was too much. It weighed so heavily that I began to wonder if the world would be better off without me. I had this deep-rooted feeling that I was not good enough. And it would not go away.

Yes, it’s true: God hates sin. But He loves you. It’s easy to confuse these thoughts. At least that’s part of my story.

It took years, but I learned this difference:

God convicts, the enemy condemns.

Conviction draws you closer. Condemnation pushes you away.

A person can tell you a million times that God loves you, but nothing will change until you believe it. Here’s the verse that changed it for me:

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” | Romans 8:38-39

I love that it doesn’t just stop with “nothing can separate us from His love.” It lists everything we might be afraid of: every lie, every fear, every possibility—and shuts them down one by one. It’s like God saying, “You’re overthinking? Let me match that with overwhelming grace.” Because I don’t know about you, but you best believe I am going to overthink and imagine every scenario when I am having an anxious episode.

I still doubt, I still worry. But I also know even those things can’t separate me from His love. If you’re relating to these thoughts at all, here are two honest questions that have lived with me, and maybe you’ve thought about them too.

1. Will I ever feel good enough?

Here’s a harsh truth: on our own, we’re not. That’s why we need Jesus.
Believing in Him doesn’t just mean we accept Him; it means we surrender to Him.
We stop striving to be “enough” and let Him be more than enough for us.

If you feel like you’re constantly falling short, God isn’t asking you to be perfect.
He’s asking you to be present. With Him.
Because you are chosen, loved, and called: not by your merit, but by His mercy. Period. Read that again.

2. Is God proud of me?

This question haunted me for a long time.

God is a Father. And a good father doesn’t wait until his kid has it all together to be proud of them, he delights in them right now. When you take a step of faith, when you whisper a prayer even in doubt, when you keep going even when you’re tired, He sees you. And He is in your corner.

If you’ve been afraid of God, you’re not alone. The gospel is proof: God came in the form of Jesus, not to punish, but to rescue.

So maybe the better question today is this:

What would change if I really believed God loved me, right here, right now, exactly as I am?

Start there.
He’s not afraid of your fears.

Alaina Goode

Hey, I'm Alaina!

Or some would call me Laney. I'm from small town friendly Forest City, NC. I love spending time with my family, worship, film, theater, and basically all things music.

God is writing our stories so that every life has a testimony. I want to spend my life creating platforms with others to share these stories and glorify the kingdom of God!