How to Love a Family Member Who Keeps Failing You

I never thought another man could break my heart—especially when I wasn’t dating anyone. But that day came, and it wasn’t a romantic partner. This time, it was my brother. He made a decision that hurt our family—and now he’s facing the consequences. And just like that, my heart broke in a way I never imagined.

It wasn’t the phone call with the news that he had been arrested that shattered me.
It wasn’t watching my mom try to be strong.
The real break came when I looked into the beautiful, innocent brown eyes of his 7-year-old daughter. With worry on her face, my niece looked up at me and said,

“I miss my dad. I like when you’re here, because I feel like a part of him is here too.”

In that moment, I realized my brother’s choices had put me face-to-face with a version of my younger self. Just like my niece, I was once a little girl—worried and confused, wondering, “When will I get to see my daddy?”

I stood there with her… and all I could do was ache too.

I know I can’t change this. But what I can do is be here. I knelt down to her and said,

“This won’t be forever. We can still enjoy life now. Let’s go play.”

And play we did. We colored, she taught me a new dance, and we made pizzas.
But still, in the silence, there is this heartache we all carry.
This sadness—because nothing will ever be the same.

Photo: My brother and I in 1990 something.

I couldn’t fix it then. I can’t fix it now. But here’s what I’ve been learning: when someone you love keeps failing, you can still love them. It just looks different from what you might expect.

1. Love Them Without Excusing the Hurt

My brother’s not his worst decisions. He was once the cool, protective big brother I admired. But like many of us, unhealed wounds from his childhood shaped him in painful ways.

Loving someone doesn’t mean pretending the pain isn’t real. It means holding the tension of remembering who they are and acknowledging what they’ve done. Jesus modeled this for us, truth and grace hand in hand.

2. Be Present in the Gaps They Leave Behind

When my niece missed her dad, I couldn’t give her what she wanted most. But I could give her myself. We colored, danced, and made pizzas. That didn’t erase the ache, but it reminded her she’s not alone.

Sometimes loving a family member who fails means stepping into the space they’ve left behind, not as a replacement, but as a reminder that love is still present.

3. Don’t Try to Fix… Point to the Healer

Like my brother, I’ve had my own ways of numbing pain like relationships, chasing approval. For him, it’s alcohol. For you or your family member, it might be something else.

But here’s the truth: none of us can heal another person. That’s God’s job. Our role is to pray, to show compassion, and to remind them where true rest is found.

“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” | Matthew 11:28

4. Surrender the Outcome to God

This might be the hardest part. I’ve had to accept that I can’t control my brother’s choices. What I can do is trust that God loves him more than I ever could.

Exodus 14:14 says, “The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.”

The battle isn’t mine.

5. Believe That God’s Not Done

Your family member’s story isn’t over. My brother’s isn’t either. And neither is mine. The very season that feels like defeat may one day be the season you thank God for.

Romans 8:28 promises that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him. That includes your story. That includes theirs.

Loving a family member who keeps failing you is painful, exhausting, and often heartbreaking. But it’s not hopeless.

Love them without excusing their actions.
Be present in the gaps.
Point them to Jesus.
Surrender the outcome.
And believe their story isn’t over.

That’s what I’m choosing to do for my brother. And that’s what you can do for the one on your heart, too.

Better days are coming.

With love,
Your friend,
Rob’s little sister,
Reyna Reyna

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Reyna Reyna

Hey, my name is Reyna and being a part of the KSBJ Morning Show is a dream come true. I grew up in Houston being raised by a single mom overcoming addiction, and faith-filled music was a lifeline for me. With all my heart I believed God had a purpose for my life. I graduated from the University of Houston as a first-generation college graduate and soon after found myself at KSBJ. I love learning new things, and when I’m not on the radio I’m taking care of my 2 daughters and 3, yes 3, spoiled dogs.