Walking into my local coffee shop, there may or may not be an attractive guy who makes a pretty amazing cup of coffee. One morning I ordered my coffee and this guy talked to me and lets just say I wasn’t ready for it! Here is a look and what my inner monologue sounded like…

Oh gosh did he just smile a me? No he was looking at that other, prettier girl. Wait… I’m pretty sure he just smiled at me. Wait what does my face look like, did I smile? Oh crap should I say something. Oh man, he just asked how my day was going. Say something, Candice! Don’t awkwardly giggle! Don’t be weird. You are normal you can have a conversation with a cute guy. You are cool say something cool. Oh crap what did he just say? Awkwardly giggle… Smile and nod it is then…

I know I am not the only one who has been here. I am not the only one who thinks that there has never been a guy that has ever been interested in her.

Anyone seen “Isn’t It Romantic?” Here is the basic overview for those of you who haven’t seen it… Always cynical about love, Natalie’s (Rebel Wilson) worst nightmare comes true when she she hits her head and suddenly discovers that she’s playing the leading lady in a real-life romantic comedy.

via GIPHY

This movie is filled with relatable and hysterical moments that point at the most obvious and ridiculous flaws we know and love about Romantic Comedies.

You know that one song that plays and you instantly feel happy (Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton)

via GIPHY

The classic makeover montage and how every girl is super clumsy but somehow it’s cute! (Laine Boggs, She’s All That)

via GIPHY

And of course…the love of your life will instantly and magically change your life and complete you. (Jerry Maguire)

via GIPHY

Besides lovingly making fun of RomCom there was a running theme in the movie that is definitely not a new idea but really caught my attention!

There is a moment where Natalie is going off about Chick flicks and how unrealistic they are and how they could never happen in real life especially not to someone like her! (I feel you, Natalie! Even though I do love a good RomCom!) Her best friend says something that is pretty dead on!

“I think people would have an easier time seeing you if you were a little more open.”

Yikes! 😬 This really got me thinking. How many times have it just not been open to men seeing me and then pointing the figure back at guys saying “there are no good men still out there!” How much have I missed due to insecurity and not being open to men, seeing me. How often do I shut down opportunity because I don’t love myself enough to see that anyone else could ever love me!?

For a big part of this movie Natalie cannot see that she has value and worth. She is worthy of love, of attention, she is enough.

I know that this is something that I am currently working through. Any I worth a guys time and attention? I am I worth being noticed? Am I worthy of be sought after by a guy?

Natalie: [to Josh] And guys are looking me in the eyes.

This line made me laugh but with a little heartache attached because I have literally felt the same thing. If i notice a guy looking at me I instantly think I must have mascara smudged on my face or something in my hair. I have literally frozen when an attractive guy put his arm around my shoulder! I mean FROZEN like a statue cause ahhhh what the heck guys are not interested in girls like me!

Here is where some truth needs to come in! Identity in God. Fearfully and wonderfully made….etc.

I was really shut down to

I felt like i was really taught to hide myself and it was almost as if i was supposed to hide that i was a woman. I felt scared of my desire scared of my femininity, so I would hid myself in baggy clothes, I also was insecure about my body. So being shut down to my sexualty for a long time was a huge thing. Also I was working through all sorts of Daddy issues, my dad was an addict when i was growing up and what was so interesting was i didn’t think that he impacted me but yet the men that i would date were like unhealthy versions of who he was when he was an addict. Whether it was duplicitous, narcissistic, emotionally unavailable. And i was just pulling at these guys to change for me. So underneath that I could prove to myself that i was worthy to be loved, that i was worthy for a man to change for, for a man to stick around for. On top of that i was terrified of rejection and so you couple all of that with shut down to sexuality, me working through all my daddy issues

Being scared of rejection and even through I wasn’t totally awake to that it was like i had a ten foot pole that said “Stay Away!” and so even through i really wanted to be in a relationship i left as through guys wouldn’t even look at me

Kat Transcription:

One thing I encourage women to do is to go around for the next week or so and if you see a guy that you think is attractive, look him in the eyes and smile. And notice what comes up for you. Are you like baaahhhh I could never do that or that’s too scary but just do it and see what happens. No one ever died from looking someone in the eye and smiling. Just practicing a posture of openness.

Kat: Dating is supposed to be fun! And Dating all it really is is getting to know someone. Going to coffee never killed someone. We make it like we are stepping off a cliff to an abyss when dating as I believe is stepping off a curb.

For along time It felt really scary to me even to let a guy know that I was interested because I was so scared of being rejected but one thing my mentor says is no one ever has a bad day when they find out someone has a crush on them. So I do what I call “Dropping the hankie” like in the olden days if a girl was interested. As women we say “oh Chivalry is dead” like guys don’t pursue anymore. It’s because we don’t let them. I think guys really do want to pursue women first of all we aren’t dropping any hankies. Women would look at a guy in the eye and drop a hanky. And that was kind of the green light to be like, you can come over and talk to me, like you can come ask me out. So I think that there are things that we can do as women to let it be know that I am open I am available .