One of the side effects of being human is going through heartbreak.

There’s no shortage of songs on the subject–from ballads about the one who got away to dance tracks about trying to move on from a subpar relationship.

But there’s one kind of heartbreak that most of us will face at some point, regardless of our age or relationship status, that isn’t talked about enough–the hurt that comes from going through a friend breakup.

I revisited this pain this week during my quarterly check-in (also known as a Facebook stalking session) on a long-lost friend. Once again, I felt the sadness of knowing this person only through social media, when I’d once believed they’d always be in my life.

In this case, there was no clear ‘falling out.’ Our lives had begun moving in completely different directions, and our friendship faded. Later, I reached out to apologize for my part in it, but the message went unanswered.

I share this because I’ve had a lot of conversations with people lately about our “former best friends,” and I’ve learned that it’s a relatively common experience, even if there aren’t as many songs about it. For years, I thought something was defective in me. While I definitely played a role in the friendship’s end, I’ve come to accept that some relationships simply aren’t meant to last a lifetime.

This idea used to keep me up at night. I’d wake from yet another dream about this friend at 3 a.m. and find myself mourning the loss all over again. But something someone said to me finally stuck and helped me move forward: some people enter our lives for a specific season or purpose. We can choose to be grateful for their presence rather than bitter about their absence.

We’re all shaped by the people who come into our lives, even if they don’t stay forever. If you’re recovering from a friend breakup, focus on the good memories. Make a list of the ways they made your life better. Say a prayer for them. And, when you’re ready to accept that you may never get a response, consider sending them a note that simply expresses your gratitude for the friendship you shared.

Hear This Beautiful Song About Friendship