We have had 52 different pets.

I confess. I have been an overindulgent parent, saying yes too many times when I should have said no—at least concerning pets. Raising our three kids, I was way too easily swayed by their endless begging, and we ended up with a house full of adopted critters over 20 years. Sometimes, even when I knew better, I couldn’t resist their creative (and very persistent) pleas.

When my daughter asked for a llama, she presented a list of the virtues of llamas, educating me on the nobility of pack animals, assurances about the character-building benefits of llama care, and adorable llama pictures taped on my bathroom mirror, refrigerator, and car windows. She made her requests known at every turn:

“Can I please have a llama?”

In my defense, I said “no” dozens of times before we adopted our Dolly Llama. A week later, I found Dolly with my daughter in the kitchen having a snack. I’ll spare you the details but suffice it to say llamas do not make good house pets. Nor do pigs, tarantulas, or geese, and still, I said yes to all of them.

In truth, many of my “yeses” should have been “nos.” There would have been disappointment and maybe even tears, but no was the right answer.

Saying “no” as a parent is often as great an act of love as saying “yes.” Having greater wisdom and experience than our kids and a passion that they would be safe, mature, and wise, hearing “no” is essential to shaping them into healthy human beings. Even knowing that principle, we can have a difficult time reconciling God’s “no’s” to us His children as His very best.

I can relate to the impassioned pleas of my daughter.

I have prayed in desperation with tears and in steadfast faith, trusting my Father to hear and answer me. And He has, and those times have humbled me to see the hand of God move in response to my prayers. And then there were times it seemed He did not answer – or not like I hoped – and those times certainly humbled me– and confused and grieved me as I wrestled with what it meant about God’s love.

Through thirty-five years of co-parenting with God, seeking His hand in the lives of our kids even in life-and-death situations, the Lord has shaped and reshaped my understanding of the potential and power of prayer. My childish view was that prayer was a way to tell God what I really wanted so that He could give me the desire of my heart.

If God was an overindulgent parent more concerned with my happiness than anything else, that might happen. But that is not who God is, and that is not what prayer is.

As I wrestled with God about His responses to my requests, I began to see that there are two approaches we can take to prayer that dramatically impact how we receive God’s answers. If you take anything away from this post, remember these words:

Either we view prayer as an ultimatum, or we view prayer as an invitation.

Immature faith, where we all start, approaches prayer as an ultimatum by making trust contingent on an outcome. If God answers our prayers, we will put more faith in Him. If His response meets my expectations, I will praise Him. If His methods agree with my agenda, I will follow Him.

But if not, if God says no to my carefully thought-out plan, if he allows the worst-case outcome or makes me wait too long for His answer, then I will withhold my praise and my trust; or I might decide that He is not a good Father and stop turning to Him at all. Such prayers have become an ultimatum on which faith hinges. We might not realize that is our view of prayer, but it is revealed by how we respond.

Maturing faith offers prayer not an ultimatum but an invitation.

To seek God’s hand in prayer is to invite His will into your life. There is no denying that this feels risky because He has clearly said we don’t always have the same agenda.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.” | Isaiah 55:8 NLT

If we are willing, prayer is our opportunity to open the door for the ways of God to be accomplished in our lives. Making that invitation is an act of faith because while we hope we are praying according to His will, we will only know by how God responds to our invitation.

In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus opened that door. Pouring out His desire to His Father with so much passion that He sweat blood, He requested rescue.

“Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” | Luke 22:42

Jesus prayed this prayer three times. He prayed in agony and desperation. He prayed in sorrow and need. He prayed with urgency. But mostly, He prayed in trust, inviting God’s will to come about through His life – even if it was different than what He desired. As the night unfolded, it was clear God was saying no to removing the cup of suffering, but He said yes to His Son’s invitation for the Father’s will in His life.

Surrendering to and even understanding God’s will does not make His answers painless. Jesus suffered as God’s will superseded His desire. His body suffered, but His trust in His Father did not. To His very last breath, the Son was leaning on the Father as He willingly cooperated with the purposes of God being accomplished through His pain.

God shapes us when the answer to our prayers is yes. And God shapes us when His answer is no, if we make every prayer an invitation for Him to:

“will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.” \ Philippians 2:13 NIV

Inviting God into our struggles through prayer means we ask, seek, and knock for the Father’s best and then move forward in trust – even when the fullness of His will is a mystery to us.

If you’ve ever felt unheard or struggled with the outcomes of your prayers, know that these are real challenges we all face. When you’re in the thick of a storm or wrestling with loss, even lifting a prayer in the first place can feel impossible.

Reflecting on his baby daughter Charlotte’s passing, singer Seph Schlueter spoke openly about the heartache of God’s answer being “no” in response to their prayers for healing.

“While we move forward in grief, disappointment, confusion, and a million other things, we move forward also in trust… as we learn to mourn in the mystery, praise in the pain, and persevere in faith.” | Seph Schlueter

It’s okay to feel confused, even angry, but healing begins when we bring everything to Him. Lay down every pain, and every question, and allow God’s response to be an invitation into deeper trust rather than a demand for answers. If you want to hear more of Seph’s story and his perspective on trusting through unanswered prayers, tap the button below.

Hear Seph Schlueter’s Story